I learned something about myself today.
Desperation does not make for a pretty me. Seriously. I hate it. I hate feeling like my life is lost and out of control. Why am I desperate? Good freakin’ question.
You see, I have a very, VERY (I hate that word. It’s a lazy way to express yourself, but I digress,) hard time accepting help, and I certainly don’t ask for it. Why should I? I grew up with the adage “if you need help, ask. If you don’t- prove it.” Well, I’m always out to prove I don’t need help.
So, what is making me so desperate?
Well, it’s need and it usually revolves around money. You see, my ex-husband isn’t paying his court ordered child support like he’s supposed to. Suffice it to say, he’s over $14,000 in debt to me. That’s a lot of money. I put that into terms my kids can understand and it basically equated to a month in Disney World parks. Or, in terms my girls really get: over 1,400 American Girl Dolls. Or a new car. Or a house with land bought out-right in some parts of Oklahoma or Kentucky, or…. You get my point. It would literally pay off a huge chunk of our debt.
Not only do I have that, my next door neighbor’s tree fell and destroyed the roof of part of my house.
Our foundation is in desperate (ha! there’s that word again) need of repair, our AC quit -great for South Alabama in the summer with a 3 month old- and I’m supposed to be planning a wedding. Post on that one later.
Whining. Whining and desperation. Worry. None of these look good on people.
I didn’t tell you everything above to make you feel sorry for me, or feel guilty; you have no obligation to either. We all have problems. Yours may be greater than mine. I posted it to show you that I am desperate and focusing on them- and this is what I learned about myself.
When you focus on what’s directly in front of you, you don’t see what’s up ahead. Think of it like this: when you’re driving down a highway and there are line breaks where you can change lanes, do you focus on the next line, and the next one and next one as you drive, or do you look further ahead to a point and make mental adjustments as needed?
When I drive, I tend to look further down the road. And while I may not see my destination immediately, I can see my next move. Where I’m going next. What I’ll do at the next crossroads. Just focus on the next solution in front of you.
So, back to my situation- I have about a $40,000 need between everything right now, so I’m not only laying it at Christ’s feet (God is our provider in all situations) but I’m also actively seeking how I can fix my situation. Yes, God provides, but he gives us the tools so that we can help ourselves. The bible has a parable about this. Proverbs 6:6-11
6 Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:
7 Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler,
8 Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.
9 How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep?
10 Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep:
11 So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.
What I take away from this in my situation is stop being lazy, go do what you need to do to make things right so that when the time comes you will have what you need. Stop waiting for other people to make it right for you, and go start your own business work diligently, AND smartly (two key words there!) and go take care of what you need to.
Now, a business may not be right for you, but I’ll tell you what, I’d rather work 80+ hours a week for myself and my family than give it to someone else for an amount of money they deem fit for the job while spending that time away from my children.
I’m going to wrap it up here, and will keep you all updated about how I got things going and how I am taking care of what I need to.